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The Zuckerberg’s Shine a Light on Miscarriage: What Each of Us Can Do.

Posted on | August 8, 2015 | 1 Comment

news-mark-zuckerberg-priscilla-chanMark and Priscilla Zuckerberg

Mike Magee

This past week, Mark Zuckerberg of Facebook fame announced that he and his wife, Priscilla, are expecting a baby. At the same time, he shared this: “We’ve been trying to have a child for a couple of years and have had three miscarriages along the way.”

In doing so, he connected with millions of other parents who have experienced the loss of a child, and the often silent and life-changing aftermath of the experience. What makes the experience doubly painful for so many is the inability of family and friends to properly support couples going through the experience.

Pregnancy can be an exciting and happy time for potential parents. But when something goes wrong and miscarriage is a result, recovery can be difficult. It’s not so much the physical problems as the emotional ones. With about 1 million known miscarriages out of 6 million U.S. pregnancies each year, a startling number of expectant parents are left devastated – without knowing who to turn to or what to think. Even though most miscarriages occur before 13 weeks of pregnancy, it’s normal for the parents to have already established a deep connection to the unborn child. Friends and family members might not be able to fully understand this, so the pain and grief can be very isolating.

The March of Dimes offers this to grieving parents, “It can take a few weeks to a month or more to physically recover from a miscarriage…It may take longer to recover emotionally. You may have strong feelings of grief about the death of your baby. Grief is all the feelings you have when someone close to you dies. You may feel sad, angry, confused or alone. At times, your feelings may seem more than you can handle. You may have trouble concentrating. You may feel guilty about things that happened in your pregnancy. It’s OK for you to take time to grieve, ask your friends for support, and find special ways to remember your baby.”

On top of this, studies have found that women often blame themselves for the failed pregnancy in the immediate months after it occurs. And yet,  in the vast majority of cases, there’s nothing the parents could have done to prevent a miscarriage.

Still, out of 1 million miscarriages, approximately 15% of women suffer clinical depression and 45% experience increased anxiety. Concerns, in the form of questions, include:  Why did the pregnancy fail?  Is it likely to happen again?  How long will I grieve? Are my feelings, and those of my partner, normal?  If not, how do I get help in recovery?  To answer these questions, ACOG advises follow-up visits with a doctor and, at times, referral to a counselor.

In many cases, the grief dissipates within four months, and acceptance soon follows. But it’s important for patients to take as much time as they need to heal emotionally — even though a woman’s body may be ready to conceive again in just a month or two.

If there is any good news here, it’s that “Miscarriage is usually a one-time occurrence. Most women who miscarry go on to have a healthy pregnancy after miscarriage. Less than 5 percent of women have two consecutive miscarriages, and only 1 percent have three or more consecutive miscarriages.”

Many emotions are triggered when a baby is lost through miscarriage, and a culture of silence and misunderstanding can sometimes surround such an event.  Family and friends should educate and prepare themselves. Sometimes it’s hard to know what to say or what to do. In the past, the March of Dimes offered this advice, “While it is very difficult to find the words that might help the grieving family, it is comforting to tell them ‘I’m so sorry for your loss’ or to admit ‘I don’t know what to say.’  Letting a family know ‘I’m here for you’ or ‘I’m praying for you’ is also a help. Even tears are comforting.  Do not make comments like ‘you’ll get over it in time’ or ‘you can always have another baby.’  The parents need to grieve this loss.  Try to be sensitive to their deep loss and the fact that, while time may ease the grief, they will never get over it.”

The Zuckerberg’s sharing this week helps bring transparency to an issue that deserves our support. What can each of us do? Be available, and be ready to listen.  Help with errands and meals.  Acknowledge the baby existed and share the grief.  If parents wish, tell others for them.  And be aware that certain times – such as the baby’s due date or pregnancy loss date, will be sensitive times, marked by sadness and extra need for kindness and support.  Finally, if depression or anxiety visibly persists beyond several months, encourage additional counseling and support.

Around one million American women and their partners suffer a lost pregnancy each year. It’s regrettable that most cases are not preventable. But it’s unconscionable to allow these parents to suffer in isolation and silence, and without adequate support.

For HealthCommentary, I’m Mike Magee.

Comments

One Response to “The Zuckerberg’s Shine a Light on Miscarriage: What Each of Us Can Do.”

  1. Yassine
    December 5th, 2015 @ 3:26 pm

    Now they have a super child

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